Where it Was Dark
by torrentialrains
Summary: I was sick, and I was never going to get better. This was it for me, and if Edward didn’t change me, he was going to have to learn to live without me, because I was dying of cancer, and he was the only that could save me. ExB AU
1. Chapter 1

_Where it Was Dark_

_**SM owns it all…**_

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**Chapter 1**

I could feel the tears sitting at the brim of my eyes, waiting to spill over, waiting to release me from the pain that was building within me. Well, maybe it wasn't entirely pain that I was feeling; a good majority of it was probably frustration.

Because here I was again, for the third time tonight, with my head resting against the shiny porcelain toilet as my body rid itself of the food I'd eaten earlier. I couldn't hold anything down and it didn't even matter how light the meal was, it just wouldn't settle in my stomach.

I was tired, scared and utterly alone. Although I knew Charlie was just in the next room, I still felt a terrible pang of loneliness run through me. Nobody that understood how confining my life was; nobody could comprehend the fear and terror I felt with each new symptom. And I downplayed all of it, always. Because I didn't want to worry my parents. It was common knowledge that if I freaked out, they would too.

Charlie was a heavy sleeper, so I felt confident that my violent retching wouldn't awaken him. A small part of me wished it would so he would come in and join me and see what I was going through. Hold me while I allowed my body to be ravaged by the medication, I just didn't want to do this alone anymore.

It was good to see that certain things about my father hadn't changed; just like Forks hadn't changed much either. Not since I was last here three years ago. Charlie still ate most of his meals at the local diner, was still Police Chief, and still lived alone in the same house I had grown up in.

I stopped visiting when the diagnosis was made. It was just too difficult to coordinate a visit because of my hectic schedule. Between Renee and Phil working, school and my appointments, it just didn't seem like there was any time left over anymore.

Thus, Arizona had become my own personal hell.

After the first round of a particularly aggressive chemotherapy treatment, I lost all of my hair. Attractive, huh? I had so much of it; it was almost like a security blanket for me. I could hide my face in it, I could hide my tears in it, and most importantly, it was the only part of my awkward lanky self that actually managed to allow me to feel beautiful; even if only in passing.

Once I lost my hair, it was kind of hard to keep the cancer a secret. At that point, everyone knew. Everyone understood what was going on. And I didn't want that. I didn't want pity, I didn't want sympathy, and I just wanted to exist as I had before the illness.

So I moved back to Forks to live with my father. It was going to be my fresh start, where nobody knew that I was sick. It would be the first time since I was diagnosed at fourteen where I could just live without the weight of my illness hanging over my head.

And the good thing about Charlie was that he didn't hover. He would ask how I was feeling, make sure I was okay, but beyond that he wouldn't push me. And if I was to be honest, I needed a break from Renee. She was so maternal, always so concerned and inserted herself into every aspect of my life.

My heart panged a little at the thought of Renee as I pulled myself from the cold tiles of the floor. I missed her. I quickly rinsed my mouth out with water, brushed my teeth and then dragged myself back to my bed, pulling the covers up close to my face, trying to stay warm, trying not to think of my mother, and what I had left behind.

It took a while before I could fall back to sleep as I was anxiously awaiting my first day at Forks High, and while I waited for my body to drift back into sleep, I cried. Wishing to be anybody but Isabella Swan.

***

2 Months Later

"God, I will never understand why you need so much sleep! C'mon, wake up, Bella. It's almost time to go."

Oh, Alice. Everyday she found some new, creative way to wake me up, and today was no different. I rubbed my eyes and yawned loudly trying to regain my vision.

"And I'll never understand how you don't require _any_ sleep," I said lazily pulling myself out of bed.

"Pfft. I like not having to sleep, it gives me time to pick out what you're going to wear everyday," Alice's voice was smug with satisfaction as she rifled through my closet, reaching to the back to pull out an outfit she had bought for me that I had purposely tried to 'lose'.

"My guess is that today, I'm wearing that," I said, pointing to the outfit she had in her freakishly steel grip. She smiled and nodded, dancing around my room, cleaning things up as she went. I groaned loudly.

"Alice, why can't I just wear my own clothing? I like wearing sweatpants and a sweater. It's comfortable." I complained, pulling a brush through my unruly hair. Each morning when I ran my brush through my hair, I was grateful it had grown back so quickly. It made hiding my illness much easier.

"Comfortable is overrated," she stated simply as she sprawled out across my bed "Plus, once you get used to wearing clothing like that, you'll be comfortable in it!"

"Doubtful." I said under my breath, grabbing a towel and my toiletries bag before slipping into the bathroom to shower.

***

"Alice, I seriously think you should slow down!" I shrieked, watching as the speedometer reached well over 70mph. Alice looked at me and started giggling.

"Nope. I have everything under control. And, I have a wicked need for speed!" She shouted happily, her foot pressing harder on the gas pedal.

"It's great that you're immortal – but remember, I'm a mere human, and death is pretty much a guarantee for me!" Suddenly, the car slowed down to a more appropriate speed and Alice's eyes were on mine, softly gazing at me.

"Bella, I can't believe how well you've taken all of this… most people… most people would freak out and run in the opposite direction, doing everything they could to avoid me and my family. But you're not afraid of us at all. If anything, you're more drawn to us then you should be," Alice's expression became amused again. "You're kind of a freak!" she said happily, staring forward again.

"You're not as scary as you all seem to think you are. If anything, you're probably more normal then most of the people I've met in my life. And I know none of you could hurt me. Well technically you _can_ hurt me but you wouldn't" I said confidently.

"You're right." She said, smiling again. "Plus, without you, who would I go shopping with?" I laughed loudly; shaking my head at the thought of Alice's shopping trips. Only two months being her friend and already Alice had subjected me to more shopping trips then I'd ever been on in my entire life. Basically, I felt like a lab rat – but, I should be used to that feeling… shouldn't I?

"So…" I stopped before I could finish my sentence, changing my mind, deciding I didn't want to re-hash this tiring subject again.

"What's on your mind, Bella?" Alice asked. It looked as though I wouldn't be dodging this subject as easily as I had hoped.

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me. I know you were about to say something, so say it!" She urged, and I caved. The situation was bothering me enough to want to talk about it.

"I just don't understand Edward, and why he reacts the way he does to me."

"Bella, don't take the way Edward treats you personally. He tends to overreact a lot. And this is no different." Alice assured me, flashing me a toothy white smile as she accelerated even more.

"But why is he so angry that you told me? I was bound to find out on my own anyway. And I was starting to notice just how strange your family is…"

"He thinks that it's dangerous," Alice explained as we pulled into the parking lot of Forks High.

"But I would never tell anyone - I would never do that to any of you."

"Bella, we know that, and that's not what I meant. Edward believes that it's dangerous for _you_. Do you remember when Jasper explained the concept of the Volturi to you after I first told you?" I nodded "Well, there are consequences for sharing out secret with a human. But, it's really not likely that the Volturi would ever find out. Ever." I nodded again, and leaned back into the leather seat of Alice's Mercedes.

I inhaled deeply, trying to ignore the familiar feeling of fatigue and nausea that washed over me. My body was exhausted. I've been having many sleepless nights, and I could barely keep a single meal down. Although I was in remission, the doctors in Arizona had prescribed me more chemotherapy in the form of pills to help prevent a relapse. This particular round of chemo wasn't as harsh, and had fewer side effects, but it still made day to day life difficult and tiring.

Especially if you were trying to hide the fact that you had cancer from everyone around you, even the people closest to you. Especially if those 'people' were actually vampires with incredibly heightened senses, the ability to sense your moods and see your future.

"You okay, Bella? You're looking a bit pale – and that's kind of clashing with your outfit" Alice teased. I straightened up, inhaled sharply and fake-scowled in Alice's direction.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just a bit tired."

"You're not losing sleep over the Edward issue, are you?" She questioned, reapplying her lipstick in the mirror of her car. I laughed to myself at her question. Sure, I thought about Edward a lot, but he definitely wasn't the sole reason for my lack of sleep. Losing sleep over Edward actually seemed kind of pleasant in comparison to a night of vomiting and sleeplessness.

"No, I'm not. I assure you."

"Bella, you do know that you're quite transparent" Alice teased, fiddling with my hair as she spoke, "which means that we all know how you feel about Edward." I blushed. I was pretty sure I turned about ten shades of red in less than twenty seconds. At least it was an improvement from being so pale white I almost looked blue.

"Oh God," I groaned, biting at my bottom lip, "is it that obvious?"

"Yes. It's very obvious – Bella, stop, you're going to chew your lip off! But what's also obvious is how he feels about you."

"Repulsed, angered, enraged, embarrassed… hungry?" I chuckled at the last guess, smoothing back my hair before opening the car door.

"Au contraire, Bella," I was startled when Jasper appeared in front of the driver's door, extending his hand to help Alice out of the car. Alice placed a dainty kiss on the tip of his nose "I would say that Edward's feelings are rather… mutual. And I would know."

My heart thudded lightly at the prospect of this. And, Jasper of all people _would_ know.

"Whatever." I didn't want to seem like the idea meant too much to me, in case Jasper was wrong. I looked over to see Alice and Jasper smiling at me. Of course vampire hearing meant they probably knew exactly how I was feeling right now, they could probably hear my heart thudding wildly. My indifference was translucent.

Now that I knew they were vampires everything about them made a lot more sense.

***

I walked slowly to my next class. Depending on the day, and the mood of my lab partner, it was the class I either looked forward to the most, or the least. It was the only class I had with Edward, and as luck would have it, he and I were lab partners.

Lately, this class was particularly difficult to get through. Edward hadn't spoken to me since Alice had told me the truth, and I spent a good majority of the class trying to keep myself from gawking at Edward. Usually, he noticed me staring before I could compose myself enough to look away, which was painfully embarrassing. But at least in this class I didn't have to fight with myself to stay awake. That was a good thing, especially since Alice wasn't in this class so I didn't have anyone to poke and prod me when I started to nod off.

When I reached room 114 I stood outside for a few moments, leaning against the wall near the door, trying to steady my nerves. Even though Edward wouldn't associate with me, I still felt the effect he had on me.

The way my hair stood on end when his exceptionally cold hand grazed my own accidentally, the way he looked at me with disdain or the way his golden eyes, which darkened depending on his appetite, swirled in the fluorescent lights of the biology classroom. Whenever he spoke he had my full attention, whether it was to request I pass something to him during an experiment, or whether it be to answer a question. Basically, 90% of my time was focused on Edward, and the other 10% of the time I was trying to temper the extreme nausea I felt while still thinking of trying not to think of Edward. Confusing? I know.

I took my seat next to Edward, noticing that today he wasn't immersed in a book, or scribbling music notes on his notepad. Today, he was sitting attentively at our lab bench, staring forward while his body remained completely still.

I was confused. The Cullen's normally tried to appear as normal as possible, and sitting eerily still didn't exactly do much to keep up their 'normal' charade.

"Uhm, when you do that it's a bit strange…" I whispered in Edward's direction, my eyes wide in an attempt to show that I was being serious.

"I know. Something had me distracted. It caught my attention." He explained as he started to absently tap his foot against the ground.

"That's better," I said approvingly "What was it that distracted you?" He turned in my direction and stared at me with an intensity that sent shivers up my spine.

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"Oh," Silence. What did I say to that? What did he mean? "What about me?"

"Why did you wait outside before you came in?" Damn. Of course he would notice that. I was seriously having trouble adjusting to their incredibly keen sense of hearing. It was uncanny the way they could hear things that were miles and miles away, and that they could isolate particular sounds to focus on.

"Freakish hearing. Perk of being a vampire?" I saw Edward cringe, his eyes tightening and his fists clenching.

"Yes. But you didn't answer my question." He whispered quietly as Mr. Banner walked into the room and called the class to order. I decided that now was the perfect time to test out just how acute their freakish hearing was.

"I was tired." I said in a voice so low I wasn't certain I had actually spoken.

Edward started scribbling frantically on a piece of paper, so I figured he hadn't heard me. But when he shoved the small piece of paper in front of me, I realized I was wrong.

_I don't believe you. Your heart was racing, and you seemed uneasy. You were attempting to compose yourself. _

My breathing hitched slightly as I realized he caught me in a lie. I began writing on the piece of paper, but decided against it. My chicken-scratch next to his elegant script was a bit intimidating. Whispering seemed to be the less humiliating option.

"I was nervous. Being around you isn't exactly the most calming thing these days."

Edward's lips tightened in response, and he gave me a genuinely apologetic smile.

_I know, my apologies. Could we talk during lunch? _

I nodded, and started counting down the minutes to lunch, because it really couldn't come soon enough.

***

"Edward, where are we going?" I asked, trailing behind him as he walked down the hallway.

"To your locker." He stated simply, turning to flash me a brilliant and charming smile. He stopped after a few metres and stood expectantly in front of my locker.

"Why are we in front of my locker?" I questioned, sincerely confused.

"You need your jacket. It's gotten cooler out since this morning. What you're wearing isn't appropriate for this temperature." He explained, leaning against the row of lockers next to mine.

I tried to make quick work of opening my locker, but it was proving to be difficult. I was quickly discovering that now that Edward _was _speaking to me, concentrating was even more difficult.

"Would you care for some help?"

"You don't know my combination." I said, as though it was the most obvious answer to his question.

"Actually, I do know it." I looked at him in shock.

"How the hell do you know my combination? I've never told you, and from what Alice told me, my mind is the only mind you can't read!" I made sure to keep my voice low, especially since students were filing out of their classrooms and toward the cafeteria now.

"Alice is right. I can't read your mind. But I _can_ read hers." I rolled my eyes, defeated, and stepped away from my locker. In a matter of seconds, Edward had opened my locker, gotten my jacket, closed my locker and began walking down the hallway and toward the parking lot. I inwardly cursed myself for telling Alice my locker combination.

***

"Do you come here often?" I wondered, staring at my surroundings, in awe.

"Yes. I quite enjoy this spot. It's quiet and nobody bothers me here." We sat in silence for a while; neither of us brave enough to break the comfortable calm. But we needed to talk, and it wasn't something I was willing to put off.

"You've never really liked me, have you?" Edward glanced over at me, his once calm expression now tight and serious.

"What makes you believe that?"

"When Alice first introduced me to you, you looked pained being near me. And then you actually started saying hello when I sat with you all at lunch. And then you just stopped talking to me altogether again. You're kind of giving me whiplash, and I can't keep up with your moods." I exhaled sharply, closing my eyes, waiting for his response.

"I know. And that hasn't been fair to you. I don't mean to create such a distance between you and I, I just find it easier that way."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when I first met you, I was so overwhelmed and intoxicated by your scent – your scent reached me and captivated me like nothing else has. I didn't hate you; I only hated how powerfully you affected me."

"You wouldn't hurt me, Edward. I trust you." He ignored my comment and continued.

"And, of course, you know I don't agree with Alice telling you about us."

"Why not? You know I would never tell anyone. Ever."

"I'm not worried you'll betray us, Bella. I'm worried we'll betray you. Our kind is temperamental, and we're mostly driven by instinct. Our instinct is to hunt humans and drink their blood. And while my family has no desire to do that emotionally, we do physically. And although we can control those urges exceptionally well, there is no saying we won't slip up accidentally."

"You can't just take my choice away, Edward. It's my choice to associate with all of you. It's my choice to put myself in danger. And I've already made my decision. Besides, I don't find any of you to be dangerous, anyway." I felt relieved to know why Edward had been avoiding me, and why he had been responding to me so crassly.

I shivered as a cool breeze blew through the air, catching my hair and tossing it in different directions. I looked over to my side and noticed Edward inhaling deeply, his jaw clenched as he did so.

"Why would you do that to yourself? Especially if I smell so desirable to you?"

"Exposure. I'm in control right now, and I'm trying to expose myself enough to your scent that I won't be as bothered by it." He explained, moving from his sitting position to lie down.

"Is it working?" I questioned, lying beside him.

"So far. I'm near you right now, aren't I?" I nodded, enjoying the breeze. We sat together for a while longer, and time seemed to escape us both. I knew that we must have already missed our next class, but I didn't really care.

Time re-entered my mind when I felt a familiar headache began pulsing in my head. It was painful, and the bright, cloudy outdoors was beginning to intensify it.

"Bella? Are you alright?" Edward questioned, sitting up and leaning over me with a look of concern crossing his face.

"I'm fine. Just a headache, that's all."

"Shall I take you to see Carlisle?" No. No. No. And… NO! That would be the worst possible outcome. I should have known Edward would react like this to a headache, I heard so much from Alice about his tendency to overreact. If I went to see Carlisle, Carlisle would have a reason to look at my medical history and if he looked at my medical history, I would no longer be able to keep my secret.

"No. I'm fine. Just a miserable headache, nothing to worry about." I managed to muster up and half-hearted smile, but Edward didn't look convinced.

"You complain quite often about being tired and about headaches. And you look fairly pale, Bella." He explained as he examined my face. I sat up and swallowed hard.

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm generally this glorious shade of white," I motioned to myself before continuing "And I normally don't have a restful sleep. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me. So, stop overreacting." Edward lay back down wordlessly. He was thinking about what I said, probably over-analyzing everything.

I had to be more careful. They couldn't know. Ever.

After a few more minutes of silence, I spoke.

"Why do you care?" He asked. I knew he was referring to why I cared about the way he treated me.

"Don't know. Why do you?"

"Don't know" Was all he offered in return. We both knew the answer; we were just both too stubborn to tell each other.

***

"How 'ya doing today, Bells?" Charlie asked as he began cutting into his steak. I sat down next to him, staring down at my plate of food with contempt. This was probably going to be what I would be puking up later. Delightful.

"I'm fine." I took a small bite of my salad as I answered him.

"Dinner is great, Bells, thanks for cooking," he said. "But you really don't have to. I know you're tired, and I really don't mind cooking for myself."

"Yes, I know. But I think I would mind if you accidentally burnt the house down trying to cook mac and cheese." I answered, smiling in a mockingly sweet way. Charlie laughed loudly, taking a sip of his water.

"Really, though. How are you feeling? And don't just say fine. I know those pills you're taking have some side effects. You've been pretty quiet about how you're feeling lately. My guess is that you're hiding something." I had almost forgotten that I inherited my keen sense of perception from my father. Of course he would notice if I was trying to hide something like this from him.

"It's been… hard. I'm having trouble keeping anything down… lots of headaches, too." I didn't look up at Charlie as I spoke, but I heard him set down his knife and fork, no doubt in preparation to say something.

"Bells, you should have told me you weren't feeling well. We should make an appointment for you to see your doctor here. It's been a long time since you've had an appointment. And last month when you saw the doctor in Seattle he said there was a doctor right here in Forks that you could see, instead of going so far away every time."

I didn't feel like arguing tonight. I was too tired, too exhausted from the day's events.

"Okay. I'll call tomorrow and make an appointment." I cleared the table and started toward my bedroom.

"Bella, if you need me, you know where to find me." I smiled at Charlie and nodded before heading toward my bedroom.

After my shower I pulled on my cosiest and warmest pair of pyjamas and crawled into bed.

And finally, for once, I had no trouble falling asleep because that night, I fell asleep thinking of Edward Cullen.

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**Tell me what you think, and leave some love.**

**Thanks to: My super-fantastic beta, KrisBlack. Thanks for catching my silly mistakes, and doing so with such wit and wonderful insight. **


	2. Chapter 2

_Where it Was Dark_

_**SM owns it all…**_

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**Chapter 2**

I stood in front of my full length mirror, unable to see the reflection staring back at me. I quickly ran my hand across the tall pane of glass, revealing my reflection from beneath the steam that had covered the mirror.

I clutched my towel closely to me, not yet ready to drop it and expose all of me to myself. I noticed the parts of my body that weren't concealed. My hair, still soaking from my shower hung wet and stringy past my shoulders - the normally dark brown now even darker, my eyes, shallow and sunken, large purplish bags offsetting their deep chocolate brown. My face looked worn, tired and aged beyond my years.

I paid careful attention to my cheekbones. They were protruding more now then they had when I had arrived in Forks. It was only a slight change, but I was acutely aware of how quickly my body was changing as my illness progressed. I had become slightly thinner and undoubtedly more tired-looking.

I allowed the towel to pool gracefully around my feet, and raked my eyes over the reflection of the girl standing before me in the edifying mirror.

My skin was pale white, almost sickly so. And the bones of my body were beginning to protrude slightly – not so much that it was a ghastly site, but enough for me to know that this wasn't my healthy weight. I hadn't been at a healthy weight in three years. I should have been used to staring at this particular reflection, but the woman staring back still remained a stranger to me.

I did the usual once over, checking for bruises or anything else that seemed alarming.

Checking for bruises was a regular routine of mine, especially since I was in remission. Bruising easily was a pretty big symptom of my illness. Checking every morning was like a reassurance.

I sighed in relief when I noticed nothing and quietly crept into my bedroom. It was 6 am and I was pretty sure Charlie wouldn't be up for another half hour. I had woken up at 5:30 with pounding headache, and decided to get a head start on my day.

I reached under my mattress before pulling out a small, red, and tattered notebook. I felt around for the familiar page marker and opened the notebook, smiling down happily at the hand-written list I had began three years ago when I was first diagnosed.

This was one of my most personal and fondest possessions. The night I had been diagnosed with cancer, I had rummaged through my forgotten, unused school supplies and discovered this red notebook. I didn't know exactly what I would start writing in it once I found it, but I knew I needed an outlet. I put my pen to the page and before I knew it, I had begun writing out a list of things I wanted to do before I died.

I know it can seem pretty morbid. At times, I've felt like it really was as morbid as it sounded. But I quickly realized that wishing to live, instead of counting down the days to my potential death, was a much healthier way to cope.

When I was diagnosed I wasn't given a death sentence but I knew that more often then not the word cancer and death were synonymous. I wasn't oblivious to the fact that my chance of survival wasn't exactly great, and I was always aware that death could come knocking on my door any day.

So I began a list. It started out with small things, small hopes and wishes that I thought were worth writing down and remembering. Eventually, the list had grown to accommodate 95 things I wanted to do before I died. I knew that I might never have time to do all of the things on my list, but I also knew that I might. So I always maintained the mindset that it was worth trying to complete it.

It wasn't like I had anything to lose.

I peered down at the paper and smiled fondly at the few items that were highlighted in yellow marker. Those were the things I had already completed.

_Experience a first job._

_Get my first pay check._

_Drive a car._

_Own my own car. _

_Leave Arizona._

_Go into remission._

_Live with Charlie._

I felt a swell of pride knowing I had completed those things, and more, already. Many of them were small and, to some, might have seemed unimportant. But to me, they were all special in their own way, and each highlighted hope held a powerful memory of my existence and the life that was still brewing inside of me. This list, in my deepest and darkest of hours, was the sole thing that reminded me that I still had a life, and that I should live it to the fullest.

After a year of compiling things to put on my list, it had quickly grown, which was when I decided put things in order, from most important to least important. I was happy to say that I had now completed two of my top twenty: living with Charlie and going into remission.

Each and every time I crossed something off my ever-growing list, I grew hopeful that I would be able to cross everything off, finally completing some of my innermost desires. Completing the list, to me, meant achieving happiness beyond anything I could imagine. It meant that my life might have actually been worth living. That I might have accomplished something, if only for myself.

I sat on my bed, legs crossed, the towel draped around my body slipping from my thin frame. I grabbed the pen sitting on my nightstand and bit my lip as I began to think.

I had something to add to my list. It would be the first time I added anything to it in 6 months. I wrestled with the idea of adding this particular wish. It was something I knew I wanted, but shouldn't have. And it was also something I knew, deep within me, belonged on my list. I couldn't ignore this, and it was something that could easily make my top 10. For now, I decided to place it at the bottom of the list, numberless.

_Kiss Edward Cullen. _

I sat in silence for a long time, staring at the most recent addition to my list. Kiss Edward? What did that mean, anyway? I knew I had feelings for Edward, but writing this – wanting this- meant that I wanted something to come out of my feelings. Since I had been diagnosed I had not felt this way about anyone. I figured any relationship would just end in pain. People don't really respond well to the word 'cancer', especially when you have some form of attachment to the person you're telling.

Relationships meant honesty, and honesty mean being truthful about my condition. And that just wasn't something I felt was worth it. Until now, I had never wanted to be with anyone. But Edward was… different?

And it was unlikely that he, in all of his god-like glory, would ever want anything to do with me.

The soft knock on the door startled me, and I looked over at my clock: 7:30. It was probably Alice, early as usual. Although, it was weird for her to knock, normally she just let herself in, injecting herself into my personal space in a way that seemed to fill the voids in my life. I liked it, although I wouldn't admit it aloud.

"Good morning, Alice. You can come in." I quickly closed my notebook and shoved it underneath my mattress, fiddling with the towel so that it covered me more appropriately.

"Uh. Well, a good morning it is." Edward said, his voice clearly displaying how uncomfortable the situation had made him. I gasped in shock. I was wrong; it definitely wasn't Alice at the door, made evident by the fantastically beautiful god standing in my doorway.

I hastily picked up a pillow off my bed and threw it at him, watching in awe as he effortlessly dodged and then caught it before it fell to the ground.

"It isn't kind to greet house guests in that manner, Bella." He said through contained laughter.

"It isn't funny!" I fumed, reaching into my closet and pulling out a house robe that I promptly wrapped around me.

"I guess not, but your reaction certainly was comical. But I'll leave you to change into something a bit more _appropriate_. Oh, and in case you didn't guess, I'm going to take you to school today," he paused, thinking. "If that's alright with you?" I swallowed hard, my heart fluttering wildly in my chest as I thought about Edward Cullen driving me to school – about Edward Cullen _wanting_ to drive me to school, more importantly.

"Yes, it's fine. But I'll need to actually be wearing clothes before you can drive me anywhere. I think Mr. Banner would go into cardiac arrest if I showed up to school in my birthday suit." I said dryly, pulling a brush through my messy hair.

"Probably, although I think Mike Newton would enjoy it more" he said under his breath, walking out of the room. I made a mental note to ask him about that later because it sounded like there was a tone of jealousy in his voice when he said that. I could have just been sadly mistaken, too. Maybe the drugs were making me delirious.

I quickly shrugged into an outfit of my choosing, relishing in the feeling of plain jeans and a t-shirt. I ran my brush through my hair a few more times and quickly crept into my bathroom, rifling through the medicine cabinet for my medication.

I purposely kept my medication hidden at the back of the cabinet, behind as many other things as I could mange, to keep it out of plain sight. I knew that Alice had no qualms with rifling through the things in my bedroom, so I doubted she would be very bothered by the idea of rummaging through my medicine cabinet. And the last thing I wanted was for her to find my stash of prescription drugs. I wasn't sure I could talk my way out of that one.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, Edward was nowhere to be found. I shuffled into my kitchen, guessing he might be there. I found him standing in front of my refrigerator, staring at the photos. I knew he heard me come in, but he didn't acknowledge me. I glanced down at the table, and noticed a plate of pancakes and a glass of orange juice.

"Did you make this?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yes. It's for you. One of the many ways I plan on apologizing for my behaviour." He stated simply, turning away from me, staring at the pictures again.

"But- but I wasn't even very long upstairs! Ten, fifteen minutes, tops."

"I'm sure Alice mentioned something about vampire speed to you, did she not?" He turned to face me, smiling sweetly. My heart just about stopped beating when he smiled at me like that. Being beautiful really was dangerous.

"Freakish hearing and unnatural speed. Yeah, she mentioned something about that, among other things." I stated coolly, sitting down and smiling widely at the plate of food before me.

"You had curly hair." He said simply, taking a seat next to me. I was confused. Again.

"What?" I asked, shoving another bite of pancake into my already full mouth. I was hungrier then usual – hungry enough to ignore the nausea.

"As a child. Your hair was curly."

"Oh. Yeah. It still kind of is. Well, not really curly, more like wavy now."

"It's still beautiful." He explained, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear, his cool hand brushing over my cheekbone as he did. I felt my body react to his touch. My heart began beating faster, my skin chilled, and my thoughts were blurry and disoriented.

"I don't think I would necessarily say it's beautiful," I started, apparently so disoriented that I wasn't thinking before speaking "I'm not you or anyone from your family, remember?" I blushed as I realized too late what I had just said. Edward chuckled to himself and leaned back in the chair, staring at me with such intensity that I felt my body begin to wriggle under his gaze.

"Silly Bella, you don't really have a very accurate image of yourself, do you?" I snorted. Loudly. I was sure it sounded repulsive and unladylike, but I couldn't stop the noise of disbelief from escaping me. Edward beamed at the sound, his eyes wide and his grin reaching from ear to ear.

"That was adorable. And I also enjoy the rosy red colour that appears on your face whenever you do something you think warrants embarrassment."

"Ugh. Adorable? Not so much. Embarrassing? Yeah." I exclaimed, bowing my head and shoving the last bite of food into my mouth, washing it down with a swig of orange juice. But as the cold liquid coursed down my throat, my stomach immediately grumbled and I felt a strong wave of nausea hit me as my mouth began watering.

Yup. I was going to puke. And yes, I was going to puke while Edward Cullen was in my house!

I ran to the bathroom as quickly as I could, slamming into the washroom door in my haste. I fumbled around; searching for the door handle, but the door was now open. Edward must have opened it for me. I groaned as I realized that meant he was behind me, witnessing the horror that was me.

And how would I explain this? I had eaten way too fast, and way too much. Normally when I was around others, I took my time eating, only eating small bits, which helped tremendously to control my nausea. I must have been so captivated by Edward, and so hungry that I had forgotten myself.

When I was finished, I flushed the toilet and uneasily watched as the remainder of my wonderful breakfast swirled down the toilet. Edward said nothing as I brushed my teeth and shuffled downstairs, throwing my jacket on and walking toward his car.

He opened the door for me and I climbed in, all the while remaining silent.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, speeding quickly through the town of Forks, swerving in and out of traffic, making record time.

"I'm fine."

"Really? I don't think violently vomiting after eating constitutes being fine, Bella." He sounded agitated. He reached into the backseat and produced a jacket and handed it to me.

"What's this for?" I asked, confused. This confusion thing was quickly becoming a trend.

"You're shivering."

"Oh."

"Should I turn around and take you back to your house? You're sick. You should get some rest." He slowed the car to the speed limit and peered at me.

"I'm really okay. I promise. I've been feeling off all week, I think it was just a stomach bug, but I'm probably just getting over it now. I should be fine."

"I really think you should go home, Bella. You're probably still not fully recovered and-"

"Unfortunately for you, you don't really have any say in the matter. So, if you would, keep driving in the direction of school, please."

"I might not have a say in this matter, but I do have two medical degrees to back me up here, Bella." I think that was probably the point at which my mouth dropped open in awe. Two medical degrees? How did one manage that?

"Two? How do you have two? And why!?" I asked, incredulously.

"I'm 108 years old. I've had some time on my hands. And I don't require sleep. This means I've had even more time on my hands. And I have two because the medical field is quite expansive, and I felt I didn't quite cover it all with only one degree."

"So… you're a doctor?" I questioned. My panic was now beginning to rise. It didn't help that he could monitor my heartbeat without being near me, or that he was uncannily perceptive. Now he had two medical degrees worth of knowledge about illnesses. This would make it extremely difficult time hide my condition from him.

"Well, not exactly. In theory, I am a doctor although, I've never practiced medicine, only studied the theory. So, I don't really qualify myself as a doctor." He explained "Don't look so impressed, Bella. It's really not that difficult, and I had a lot of time on my hands, as I already said."

Suddenly, I felt nauseous again. Did I really believe I had any business dreaming of kissing Edward Cullen? Wishing to have him hold me in his arms, be with me, share his life with me? No. I had no business coveting perfection, not when I was so far from perfection myself.

Ugh. Damn vampires and their unqualified perfection.

***

"Bella, it's really not the end of the world!" Alice chided, although her voice still sounded bubbly and electrifying.

"Alice, you can't force me to do something against my will. Take me home, please."

"Too late!" She said happily "We're already driving, and I don't want to pull an illegal u-turn. You know, considering your dad is the Police Chief, you'd think you'd be more safety-oriented!" Alice beamed as her foot pushed down harder on the pedal.

"Oh, right, I forgot that driving well over the speed limit is just the epitome of safe!" I was getting angry now, and I really wasn't in the mood for this. I was tired, and I was already late taking my medication because Alice had decided that a celebratory shopping trip was in order. She didn't mention what we were celebrating, which made me believe we weren't actually celebrating anything and that was just a lame excuse.

"Honestly, Bella, you really shouldn't be so bothered by Edward. He has a few medical degrees - so what? He's definitely not perfect. Don't sell yourself short. You'll know soon enough that Edward is far from perfection. If that is the reason you don't want to come over, please don't let it be."

"I didn't tell you what was bothering me. How did you know?"

"Don't worry about that. Here we are!" She exclaimed happily, pulling into the driveway of what I presumed to be her home. I was in awe. Absolute awe.

"You live here?"

"Yup. C'mon, everyone is inside – I might have mentioned that you'd be coming over."

"You mean you already knew I'd be coming over?" I said, remembering that Alice had the very convenient talent of being able to see the future.

"Exactly!" Alice grabbed my arm and pulled me through the doorway and into her home. It was immaculate in all of its brilliant glory. I had never seen a house adorned with so many windows in my entire life. It was as though every inch of wall was either covered in a piece of impressive art work, or was a window instead. It allowed the dim light of the cloudy sky to peek through the glass, filtering the reflection of the greenery of the secluded outdoors into their home. Everything seemed to have a slightly earthy tone to it.

Alice gave me a short tour of the main floor, which ended in the kitchen, where the rest of the Cullen family was gathered. Of course, I had already met Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Edward, but I had yet to meet Carlisle or Esme.

"Hey Bella!" Emmett greeted happily, his large hand patting my back excitedly. Jasper gave me a pleasant hello, as did Edward, but Rosalie barely even acknowledged my presence. I assumed it would be Alice introducing me to her parents, but, to my shock and surprise, it was Edward instead.

"Bella, this is our father and mother, Carlisle and Esme." Esme immediately pulled me into a gentle embrace, whispering in my ear that she was happy to finally meet me. Carlisle extended his hand and welcomed me into his home. If it hadn't of been for Rosalie, I would have felt like the Cullen's home was mine, too.

Rosalie was pretty intimidating. She was actually the only vampire of the bunch that frightened me. And I wasn't even really sure why she had such a dislike for me, anyway.

I spent the evening with the Cullen's, existing amongst them in a way that felt natural. I watched as Jasper and Emmett played video games together, and laughed when Jasper manipulated Emmett to sulk like a child after losing to him. Alice gave me a tour of her walk in wardrobe, forcing me to try on a few things while we were at it. She had enough clothing to last her a lifetime, and most of it she would only wear once and then never look at again.

Carlisle showed me his office; pointing out hundreds of books he thought I might enjoy reading, and I was instantly impressed by his wonderful taste in literature. I was also fascinated by the hundreds of photographs he had all over his office. I wasn't sure what they meant, or who they were of, but I could tell they were important. Carlisle told me how vital it was to keep what they were a secret, and I assured him that I would never tell a single soul. He said he trusted me, and I truly believed he was genuine.

Afterwards, I listened to Edward play the piano. He was resistant to the idea at first, but after Esme pleaded with him he finally gave in. He was magnificent, and if I was unsure about the way I felt for Edward, after hearing him play I was no longer confused. His fingers lithely hit the keys as though the music were just as much apart of him as breathing. When his hands glided softly over the keys, a shiver went down my spine. He was completely absorbed by his art, it was beautiful to witness.

I would have stayed longer, but it was getting late and Charlie didn't know where I was. I could also feel the beginnings of a terrible headache, which indicated to me that I needed to get home, rest and take my medication.

"That's a really fantastic copy of _Le Bonheur de Vivre_," I said, pointing to the exquisite painting hanging in the foyer of the Cullen's home. For once, it was Edward that looked completely confused.

"You're familiar with Matisse?" Edward asked with wide eyes. I smiled as I slipped on my shoes and straightened up so my body was only inches from his.

"Of course. Timeless work." He smirked and quickly reached behind me, pulling my jacket from the closet.

"Timeless, indeed. But it's not a copy. It's the original." He said easily as he helped me slip into my jacket.

"That's impossible." I stated, my brows furrowed and my eyes locked on the magnificent painting before me. Before I knew what was happening, Edward had twirled my body around and bowed his head, so that his intoxicating breath was filling my senses, rendering me completely unaware.

"Nothing is impossible," and then, he kissed me.

* * *

**If I write it, you review it. That's just the way it should go.**

**Thanks to KrisBlack for being my **_**fantastic**_** beta. You are amazing and you keep me motivated.**


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